31
Dec
If you’re waking on New Years Day holding disappointments about previous attempts at change on this auspicious of days, and also great expectations of change, I get it. We want change, we’ve all been disappointed by the non-magic of January 1, and some of us continue to believe in the magic of January 1 regardless.
However, as annoying as this is, change doesn’t happen with the roll-over into a new year.
The photographs above were taken in December 2019, during an exceptionally difficult time in my life. They demonstrate just how far I’ve come in a quest for change even when things are hard. I see these shots annually on my Facebook memories, and it’s a reminder to me of what I can achieve – regardless of the date, regardless of the how hard life is.
I want to chat with you about change, about how you can approach it, and the one element that makes it actually come to fruition.
I’ve had a phobia for a very long time. I don’t know the official name for it but I’ve had a phobia of stepping on things I can see through. It’s not just something that I’m scared of, or something that makes me nervous. It’s a phobia. A full on paralysing phobia.
For as long as I can remember I’ve had this phobia whenever I am near grates, spaces between timber floors, grated walkways, glass floors, etc. Anything you can see (even partially) that is on the ground and that I might need to step on.
It wasn’t one of those phobias where I become overly dramatic. Most people wouldn’t know I have a problem with this at all. But when I couldn’t avoid stepping on something I could see through, I would become very nauseous, tremble, my breathing would become shallow, I’d get tunnel vision, and I’d feel quite faint. My feet just wouldn’t cooperate with my brain to enable me step out. I couldn’t say that I had a phobia or a fear about it for the longest time – I just couldn’t make my feet move in those circumstances. It all happened inside of me and I could feel myself closing down and becoming hypervigilant about finding another way.
One day about many years ago I was in a situation where I had to trust two of my boys to guide me over a bridge in Norway with my eyes closed because my feet wouldn’t work with being able to see through the parts I needed to walk on. Yes, the only way I was going to get over that bridge was to walk blindly in the care of my two teenage boys who loved nothing more than to play pranks … that was a high adrenaline day for sure, and a sharp reminder that I really needed to take some action on this phobia.
From that day on I decided to work on this problem. I started out by just putting my toe on any flooring I could see through – just resting it lightly on something like that with no weight on it every chance I got. I did that for a long time, then took it a little further by resting my whole foot lightly. Then I progressed to adding some weight to the foot. You get my drift … it was incremental, deliberate, consistent, and scary.
And here I am in this photo, many years later walking on the suspension bridge in Redwoods forest, New Zealand, standing with my full weight on a plate of glass … no adrenaline required.
I feel strong and vulnerable at the same time in these photos. And I’m happy that I pushed myself. I’m excited that I was consistent and didn’t give up on myself.
The photos were taken just a few days after I learned of the death of my father, just weeks after learning of my mother’s terminal cancer diagnosis, 2 months after farewelling my youngest son as he moved to London to live with his partner. It’s an understatement to say I was an emotional mess, but I felt strong in the same moment.
I believe the most powerful instigator of change is consistency
While my drive for change was strong, it was the consistent actions I took that made the difference. I can want something till I can barely stand myself, but wanting doesn’t make change. It’s YOUR CONSISTENT ACTIONS that will change your life. The things you do often, the things you do when life is hard.
Don’t underestimate consistency in your daily life, in looking for opportunities to behave differently to the way you usually behave, in actually doing what’s hard when it feels as though you can’t.
When the circumstances feel too hard, this is your opportunity to really cement change. Go out of your way to find circumstances where you can practice consistency.
I hope that this time next year, you will be able to look back and see that you’ve made some changes to bring you to a better place. Be consistent, be tenacious, be brave in making small changes – they all add up.
And Happy New Year xx
